a communal advice column
Got a question about love, life, or sex?
Ask Mama Z! I’ll answer and post my knowledge here for the community.
Click the button below to submit a question or book a 1:1 session.
updated weekly
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updated weekly 〰️
DEAR MAMA Z,
I vaguely remember you being a domme. Any tips about how to dip my toe?
A: Ooh, this is a good one!
Honestly, I got my start in the domme world at a local kink/bdsm club. Almost every city has ‘em, you just have to find them! Everyone in there is usually pretty open and welcoming, and submissives fell into my lap because I presented myself confidently.
A lot of aspiring dommes go the social media/app route, but I don’t have too much experience with those. My extent in the social media realm was to learn safety tips and tricks for being a domme. I jumped in the pool with a pinky toe first.
DEAR MAMA Z,
How would you break up with someone?
A. As someone who’s initiated my fair share of breakups, I have tried it all. I stand by this formula:
- Don’t wait too long. If you know for a fact a breakup is what you want, do it, and don’t drag things along past their time.
- Do it face-to-face. Preferably in public (but I’ve only dated crashouts, so this depends). If you care about someone, have an actual conversation.
- Focus on your feelings, not their wrongdoings. Make it about YOU, YOUR discomfort, and YOUR unwillingness to move forward. No need to shit on someone on your way out (unless it’s absolutely deserved).
- Leave it at that. Don’t rush to continue a friendship, don’t lurk their social media, don’t spend time talking about them. Just separate yourself and walk through the healing process. It won’t start until you allow it to.
DEAR MAMA Z,
I have so much chemistry with my boyfriend, but since moving in together, we’re realizing we’re not compatible. What do we do?
A. Congrats on such a big step! I’m sorry there’s some friction.
Chemistry is a strong start, but compatibility is definitely the most important–it dictates the functionality of the relationship. Now’s the time to lean into the love you have for your partner. It’s time to talk and try to find a middle ground. I’m all for communication and compromise, so long as you don’t do or agree to anything detrimental to you or them.
Not to be crass, but love is never going to be enough in a relationship. Compatibility matters and is the key to relationship survival. If there’s a way to meet each other in the middle, find it.