I wish it didn’t feel so taxing to do things I enjoy, like writing a quick blog, scrapbooking, or art. I think there’s not enough time in the day, like my entire day is consumed by responsibilities and adult tasks, and I have no control over the spare free time I find. I feel as though my energy levels are simply insufficient to balance both adulthood and the carefree life I desire. It’s like I don’t have enough energy to maintain my desired lifestyle, and I also can't change the demands of said lifestyle right now. 

Maturing is realizing the quirky experience of sleeping on the floor the first night in your new apartment is strictly for the movies. My back hurts, I left my bonnet at the old place, and we are sharing a single roll of tissue for all 3 bathrooms, but I got the first night out of the way. That’s what was most important–I wanted to solidify my presence here.

This is a quick journal piece I started the night of move-in and finished at the end of January. Enjoy!

I am so good at pointing out my flaws and shortcomings. I know the magnifying glass I’ve acquired started as an intentional task–we have to call out our traumas (and their origin stories) to heal and move past them. I, however, call them out and amplify their existence. There is a fine line between honesty, acknowledgement, and reopening wounds. I realize I may have been doing the latter.

Up at 4 AM, writing about a dream and what it means. Spirit gives us messages in the most interesting ways. I’m so happy that I have the ability to hear and listen.